THE ELVISS SIMMONS STORY

Las Vegas, Nevada. The 1970s. Rogue scientists sit in a casino bar arguing over genetic theory and music. Drinks are served. Ideas swirl. Excitement builds. A decision is made. They would attempt not only to prove their most ambitious theories, but to save rock and roll. They would create the world's first genetically engineered rock star.

A concert at the International Hotel provided the first set of DNA: the singer threw a sweat-drenched scarf into the crowd. A chance encounter with the bass player for a hard rock band infamous for their costumes and pyrotechnics gave them a second set of genetic material. The game was afoot. The samples were processed, suspended in a nutritive solution and placed in an incubator. The scientists retired to their homes to nurse their hangovers. Their creation floated and fed on a slurry of liquified pizza and beer. And grew.

12 hours later, their creation kicked his way into the world. The experiment had gone horribly horribly right. Their creation was as normal a child as anyone could hope for under the circumstances but three things gave his creators pause:
1) Less than 24 hours after conception, he was fully-formed and stood three feet tall.
2) He had a shock of black hair that spontaneously arranged itself into muttonchops and a pompadour.
3) His face was a study in black and white: a stark white base with black batwings around his eyes.

The older scientists wondered if they'd birthed a demon. The younger scientists knew better and brought him a guitar. ElviSS Simmons had been born.